absentee mom…

My little biggie mac, the most important person in the world to me. My very precious son, I so adore and care so much. I’m not the perfect mother in the world, I’m still learning. I have so many things to learn yet. I’m enjoying being a mother, at the same time it’s physically and emotionaly exhausting specially that I’m facing everything on shoe string, it’s indeed hard to get by. But his cuddles, silly laughs, and love push me to move on forward with confident and faith that everyting would be fine at the end of the day. There is one thing that I’m dying to hear from him, is when he says MAMA. I barely hears him saying it. Why, we never get to see each other often before. He was staying with his father for some reason, but he’s with me now, however, i don’t have the luxury of time to spend 7 days of the week 24 hours of the day with him. I understand completely the reason why he’s attention does not completely focus on me.I was never with him all the time due to some circumstances beyond my control. As much as I would want to spend with him all the time, I hate to say this, but I would say that I was not prepared enough to become a mother physically, financially, and emotionally. This is my regret I would carry for the rest of my life. But having him isn’t at all. Being an absentee mother has so many drawbacks. As a mother you would want your son to respect you, depend on you, seeks your attention all the time, but sad to say for me I haven’t feel if completely from him right now. I’m so thirsty for all of those things. I undestand compeletly for after all I was an absentee parent.

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